Mi madre

Madre, Mother, Mati, Ma, Biang, Okaasan. Yes, I goggled mother in different languages. So many different ways to say it but at the end of the day she’s a woman that took that most heavenly task to be a mother, a selfless act of love. I’m a mother of three and being a mother is the most precious gift that I can give in this lifetime. Once upon a time I was a child that looked up to my own mother for love, support and guidance. But I grew up in a toxic environment and my mother was a broken & abused women and her only worry was to provide for my brother & I with the necessities of a roof, clothes on our backs & food in our bellies.

Growing up I didn’t understand why my mother wasn’t as loving or independent, regardless of how toxic my father was to her and us & she still remained in his shadows as an scorn & helpless woman. Alcohol & drugs were the fall of her family, that childhood vision that she once had as a little girl of a happy wife & husband, the babies, the beautiful house nestled in a white picket fence for added protection and curb appeal was ripped away from her and left with hurt, abuse, poverty & a woman that lost her power in the midst of what life had brought to her.

For years I grew up with resentment in my heart towards my mother and till this day I’m still mending and repairing those broken pieces of me. But now as mother and with maturity I understand my mothers struggles. She was broken with no self love for herself, the woman she saw in the mirror she hated & didn’t understand where she went wrong. All the years of mental & physical abuse left her empty with barely any love to give to herself & others. But she showed us love by surviving and doing what she could to protect us. My mother is so strong, good & such a kind hearted woman, I can never blame her for her lack of love growing up now that I understand her story.

With understanding & love I can now heal that inner child in me, it had nothing to do with me. It was her own baggage & story that she had carried for years until she said enough is enough and took her power back. You may be in that position now like my mother was, having baggage, or in a toxic relationship and feel like you cant survive outside of it for a list of reasons. Here comes that four lettered word again L- O- V- E. Yes, love we can do all and be all with love. Lets learn from the struggles & stories of our mothers, grandmothers, aunts etc. and break those generational curses and take our power back with self love so we can know how to love & receive love, so we can have our boundaries and know when enough is enough and not prolong years of abuse, so we can be better examples for our children so they can carry that to their offspring. A mother’s love is unconditional and when we bring life into this world and get the hardest task assigned to raise these little humans without a blueprint and still deal with our own baggage it’s hard, I know it because I live it. But we are strong enough, never underestimate your power. Love & light to you queen & Happy mothers Day.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come”.

Proverbs 31:25

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