Letters to papi (No.4)

Dear papi,

Today’s memories consisted of our last holiday spent together in 2016 we spent noche buena & Christmas together, New Years was a blur because you relapsed plus it’s not a good moment to reminisce on. I’ve been looking at pictures, one in particular that I loved was of you and Jason, Jason was dressed so cute and you two looked so happy in that picture together I think it was for noche buena too, Jason was probably 2 at the time so it was 1991? I have also been listening to “mi burrito sabanero”, that’s my go to song to feel you close to me during the holidays. I keep going back to my WhatsApp to see the last time you were on there which was December 1st at 5:02 pm. I can’t help to think of that moment & how you were feeling, your health was declining since you were intubated not that long after.

Your doctors update wasn’t good, you are doing worse than yesterday. Your blood pressure is not staying stable it’s fluctuating from high to low. Your heart is not well I guess when the doctor mentions your heart he refers to your heart beats. They also suspect that you may have had a seizure today. They are going to do a EEG to rule that out, check your blood for infections too. I’m surprised that that haven’t checked for infections yet since they mentioned that yesterday. They are going to do a reassessment tomorrow with your medical team to proceed with the “G-tube” for Friday and possibly get the tracheotomy by Monday. I’m still hopeful dad & so is family.

I spoke to abuela today and she is feeling more hopeful now and says that she is proud of your willingness to fight for your life because even though you’re critical right now you’re still here with us, God has a plan for you that you haven’t accomplished on this earth. She also shared memories of you and how you & I have such a beautiful bond for father & daughter. Honestly her words gave me strength, since I’ve been feeling down today. I know you have always advised me to get closer with abuela and I didn’t listen to your advice then maybe I just wasn’t ready because Gods plan was for us to become closer during these current times. I’m happy that we are there for each other now.

I love you papi.

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