I recently lost my father it hasn’t even been a week and the roller coaster of emotions that I have been experiencing comes in waves. I have been very transparent with my mental health on my blog so it comes to no surprise that I’m struggling and hanging on by a thin thread when it comes to my anxiety & depression. Feeling your sorrows & the lows that come with it are normal when you experience a loss, its part of life. But when you have a mental disorder the instability when it comes to your mental health can be much harder to deal with the shortcomings that life brings us.
It’s been very hard for me even with medication and my coping techniques I’m still struggling. I have the support of so many and including my therapist but I just can’t grasp the reality that I’m currently living maybe its part of my grief that hasn’t accepted my fathers death fully & that of course takes time. I’m giving myself the permission to feel all the feels right now, if I just want to hurt and sit in my pain I allow myself, if I want to be alone and watch meaningless TV & scroll through social media, take cat naps, eat that not so healthy comfort food, not brush my hair let alone not change from being in my PJS all day I’m allowing myself that permission. I’m going with the flow of it all and not judging myself for it. I just lost my father one of my best friend’s, I watched him die from a relentless virus from my phone because I couldn’t be by his side so I need to let my guard down to heal and find peace. I have a collective of letters named “Letters to papi” on my site if you want to read our heartfelt journey.
What I have learned from years of being on the struggle bus and dealing with my mental health is that I recognize my boundaries and my limits, in other words I know when I let my guard down & allow to feel my feels I also know how far I can take it before I find myself in a deep hole of darkness that makes it impossible for me to get out from. If you’re not at that point yet its ok, it takes time to really get to know yourself when it comes to the darker sides of you. True acceptance of your essence & self love is to love both the beautiful & dark sides that make you.
I’ll share with your some things that make a difference for me & its truly the little things in life. My children’s love, writing, check-ins from family & friends, being a emotional support for others, listening to music, short guided meditations, snuggle under my 20 pound weighed blanket, taking a hot and or cold shower whatever you’re in the mood for and just cry by yourself as the water washes away your tears. My fav is lighting a beautifully scented candle and snuggle with a good book and just bask in that moment & allow the words to drift your mind to a different reality. I do want to add that sometimes you do have to force yourself to do things but once you do it I promise you will feel better.